Quote of the Day (2011-03-31)

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.

Galahad: Three, sir.

King Arthur: Three.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-03-30)

It IS the bunny rabbit.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-03-29)

Marty DiBergi: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.

David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.

Marty DiBergi: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a Saint Hubbins?

David St. Hubbins: That's right, yes.

Marty DiBergi: What was he the saint of?

David St. Hubbins: He was the patron saint of quality footwear.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2011-03-28)

Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, what is the purpose of our defence policy?"

Bernard Woolley: "To defend Britain."

Sir Humphrey: "No, Bernard. It is to make people believe Britain is defended."

Bernard Woolley: "The Russians?"

Sir Humphrey: "Not the Russians, the British! The Russians know it is not."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-03-27)

Harry: Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you lived out your whole life and nothing happens you never meet anybody you never become anything and finally you die in one of those New York deaths which nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

Harry: That's what drew her to me.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2011-03-26)

Narrator: Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?

Richard Chesler: Yes. Make these your primary action items.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2011-03-25)

Buttercup: We'll never survive.

Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-03-24)

Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.

Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?

Source: Thank You For Smoking

Quote of the Day (2011-03-23)

Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away?

Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey!

Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel.

H.I.: Yes, ma'am.

Dot: What would Ed and little angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate?

Ed McDonnough: Yeah honey! What if you get run over?

Dot: Or carried off by a twister?

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2011-03-22)

Your tush is like the pistons of a Ferrari.

Source: House

Quote of the Day (2011-03-21)

Niles: I met someone once flying home from college. I got bumped into first class, found myself sitting there next to a positively ravishing woman. She was a bit older and I was trying desperately to be suave, so when she leaned over and suggested we join the Mile High Club, rather than admit I was unfamiliar with the term, I whispered back, "I really don't travel enough to make that worthwhile." God, that was twenty years ago.

[starts to chuckle, then]

Niles: Nope, still can't laugh about it.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-03-20)

I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Biggus Dickus.

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-03-19)

Zathras: Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life... probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2011-03-18)

Peter Gibbons: I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in the dictionary.

Source: Office Space

Quote of the Day (2011-03-17)

"It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-03-16)

[after Eduardo has turned up in California to find Sean has moved in with Mark and working on Facebook]

Mark Zuckerberg: So how is Christy?

Eduardo Saverin: Christy's crazy.

Mark Zuckerberg: Is that fun?

Eduardo Saverin: Nope. She's actually psychotic. She's insanely jealous, she is irrational and I'm...I'm frightened of her.

Mark Zuckerberg: Still, it's nice you have a girlfriend.

Source: The Social Network

Quote of the Day (2011-03-15)

George: "You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist. You see, right now I have Relationship George. But there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."

Jerry: "I love that George."

George: "Me too, and he's dying. If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-03-14)

Aunt Voula: What do you mean he don't eat no meat?

[the entire room stops, in shock]

Aunt Voula: Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.

Source: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Quote of the Day (2011-03-12)

Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"

Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Source: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Quote of the Day (2011-03-11)

C.D. Bales: [challenged to think of twenty jokes better than "Big Nose"] Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow! Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming. Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late! Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear! Naughty: uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: you know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's IN IT that matters. Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle! Commercial: hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95! Polite: uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic: Everybody. He's got...

Everyone: [singing] The whole world in his nose!

C.D. Bales: Sympathetic: aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? Complimentary: you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure: whoa! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiring: when you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: saihr, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! Pornographic: finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once! How many is that?

Dean: Fourteen, Chief!

C.D. Bales: Religious: the Lord giveth... and He just kept on giving, didn't He? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Paranoid: keep that guy away from my cocaine! Aromatic: it must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil. Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped.

[he pauses, pretending to be stumped, while the crowd urges him on]

C.D. Bales: All right. Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?

Source: Roxanne

Quote of the Day (2011-03-10)

Rebecca: Until I began eating clean, I never realized how a good a nice, dry ricecake could taste.

Woody: How can you eat those, Miss Howe, they don't have any flavor.

Rebecca: Oh, if I eat these I will live longer.

Woody: Well, I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life? How come you wanna make it longer?

Rebecca: Shut up, Woody.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2011-03-09)

Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-03-08)

Carolyn Burnham: Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2011-03-07)

Niles: I'll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skim milk.

Frasier: I'll have the same.

Eric: Got it.

[to barista]

Eric: Two Gutless Wonders!

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-03-06)

H&H wouldn't let us use the bathroom when we were on strike. They put a cramp in our solidarity.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-03-05)

[Rugen has invited Humperdinck to watch Westley being tortured]

Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.

Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-03-04)

Sir Humphrey: "Well, we can always try to persuade them [the BBC] to withdraw programs voluntarily, once they realize that transmission is not in the public interest."

Jim Hacker: "Well, it is not in my interest. And I represent the public, so it is not in the public interest."

Sir Humphrey: "That's a novel argument. We haven't tried that on them before."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-03-03)

Naomi: "I thought you were happy-go-lucky."

Jerry: "No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-03-02)

Reggie Lampert: You're blocking my view.

Peter Joshua: Ohh... which view would you prefer?

Reggie Lampert: The one you're blocking.

Source: Charade

Quote of the Day (2011-03-01)

Steve: I lied. Um... All that stuff I said about being a crack head? It just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed... software engineer.

Peter Gibbons: You're a software engineer?

Steve: Yup.

[sighs]

Samir: Things, uh... it must be very rough for you.

Steve: Actually man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions, than I ever did at Intertrode!

Source: Office Space